Andover Diner

Ordering eggs Benedict at a New Jersey diner is yet another indication that I should have my head examined. It’s like throwing rocks at a wasp’s nest — you really should know better.

However, being the eggs Benedict fan that I am, the spirit moved me against my better judgement, and my better judgement mocked me all the way back to New York City.

Hollandaise: Clearly a ‘just add water’ mix. A slightly viscous yellow glaze with flecks of an unknown white particulate. It packed a lemon whollop that reminded me of a cheap lolipop from from the doctor’s office from when I was a kid.

Eggs: Rubbery and slightly brown from the spatula.

Canadian bacon: Run of the mill, not offensive. Perfectly round.

English muffin: You know the kind of muffin that’s not Thomas’? Worse than that. Imagine someone from the mid-west trying to make a Key Lime Pie. They just can’t. It’ll be bright screaming yellow, right? Whoever was behind this thing ... I dunno. It can’t possibly be their fault. They didn’t know better.

Potatoes: These were slightly greasy homefries that hit the spot!